Yes, this is a rant. Yes, it touches on gender. Yes, I'm going to say some not particularly nice things about portions of the "trans-community". If you're my friend (i.e. I talk to you on a regular basis) none of this is directed at you. I love you guys, gals, and non-gendered/other-gendered/bi-gendered people, and you've been wonderfully supportive, and cherished, loved, and accepted me and my uniqueness before I could fully.
Yes, I'm still in general a happy person, and I don't spend my days bitterly stewing in rage, but this stuff has to get said.
Look, over here, yeah, at me. Don't fit neatly into your boxes, do I? Yeah, I pass pretty damn well as just another dyke, but, um, the hair, it's just off...who the hell has hair that long? You know why I haven't cut it? I'm petrified of losing "passing privilege".
Oh yeah, that's right, I was assigned male at birth. I pass damn well...butched out, too. Wait, we're not supposed to be like this? Yeah, someone finds out I'm trans, they wonder why I don't have a super boi-ish haircut and why I don't bind - they assume someone who looks like a woman and presents as I do, is either a dyke, or considering transitioning to male, and trans must mean the latter.
Fuck that. I was born male-bodied, I sure as hell don't want to be, so, larger queer community, if you hear that someone that presents like me is trans, don't assume they're an ftm so early in the transition process that they're not trying to pass.
Yeah, I'm a dyke. I ID as a woman. And I ID as butch and I like fucking with gender. I don't ID as boi, but if that's your identity or part of your identity, that's supercool, I know some great bois.
Now, there's the mtf community. Stop using the word assimilation - you scare the queers. Yes, my medical history is something I keep fairly close to my chest, and I understand the straight ones of you wanting to fit in with straight society...but a lot of you that ID as bi or lesbian, you couldn't get queer, lesbian, or women-centric culture if you were dropped at an Indigo Girls concert. You complain that you can't find any girls to date, or that queer women don't have an interest in you, or you can't find them. Girls, you have to get out there and look for them! And I'm not bashing femmes - and I know it can be hard to be visible as a queer woman as a femme, and this has nothing to do with femme identity or presentation. Don't just hang out in the straight community. You don't have to be a non-gendernormative woman to be lesbian or bi, and it doesn't have to make things harder...but go out there, and get involved in queer culture! You'll have fun, you'll make friends, you'll be exposed to new things, and you might even get a date or two, or a relationship that goes somewhere! Would Gaby lead you astray?
Now, the transpeople I spend time with in real life, and have extensive conversations with me don't flaunt this...but those of you that are gendernormative, check your privilege once in a while. Just as there is passing privilege in the world of transpeople, in the world in general, being gendernormative gives you privilege. It's different than passability - a butch woman or a femmey man may easily pass as a woman or man, but it is obvious they DO NOT fit into the social constraints of that gender, and thus, they are frequently the target of hatred based on gender standards and presumed sexual orientation.
Sure, a lot of butch women are dykes, but, there are butch straight women out there - but often they have to repress a bit of their gender expression, because men, in general, value feminine women.
Oh, and those of you that talk hatefully about "the genderqueers"...being able to ID with a binary gender is a privilege, not having to think about what pronoun you want people to call you is a privilege, a privilege that not everyone can enjoy. I'm lucky that I can say that deep down inside I am a woman, but there are people out there who know they should have a body deemed appropriate by society for one gender, but not identify with that gender. And then there are people out there who don't fully ID with either gender's assumed body...and the majority of the trans community treats them like their lessers, and act as if they only exist and are visible to make life difficult to all the nice, normal straight feminine transwomen and straight masculine transmen.
Check your privilege. Don't pretend those of us who colour in boxes, not fit into them don't exist.