Toute de Suite (milena_shibush) wrote in postqueer,
Toute de Suite
milena_shibush
postqueer

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Ponderings...

Until I met Sarah, I never really thought too much about butch/femme/trans issues. I have always been attracted to feminine women, but I never considered myself "butch." A tomboy, absolutely. But, never really butch. But then, I've never identified primarily as my gender either. It's like I was my own person, outside of gender. I had a strong desire to be a boy as a kid, but as my body grew more female, I grew into it. I have a tremendous amount of masculine energy, but in a tomboy body.

And then I met Sarah. Sarah dated men extensively in the past. And she's physically attracted to men, but not emotionally (that's how she explained it to me). I'm really only her second relationship with a woman.

From the very beginning, there's been something different about this relationship for me (I've never really talked about this anyplace else before). There is an absolute butch/femme dynamic to it in almost every aspect and she's definitely a femme. Her nickname for me is gender neutral. So does that make me butch (--->scratching my head<----)? It's not like I've changed. And I don't think I present as butch (once again, some masculine traits or a tomboy, but not "butch.") But, I think I've become much more comfortable with aspects of my personality that I was hesistant to express before, masculine aspects. It freaked me at first, but, now, I realize, this is something which feels so right.

There was a post a while ago asking why you belonged to this community. And, in addition to my answer there, perhaps this would be a good supplement. I feel safe to explore issues like this here. So, thanks for listening.
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