March 26th, 2006

Queer

Queer.
Is queer mutiny about being queer?
Is identity a position that removes us from our primal desire?
Are we so stuck in our labels we can't see a bigger picture?
Should we remove ourselves from identity?
Do animals have identity?
Is Identity just a human construct?
Is identity just words?
Is being queer a restrictive thing to be?

I think idenity is words, I think that animals do 'idenitify' in the way that animals still catogorise but they do not use words or language. I think words are a human contrust but I don't think this is Less or more primal or natural than that which is animal. I think it is just a another method or tool to find out information. I think all living things have have ways of storing and using information in different ways. So in way all animals don't just be, they use tools to survive but these tools or labels are not fixed. Ithink the only problem with identity and catogorisation is when these catogories are fixed, or ruled by others. All beings give off signals to provide information of what they are or perhaps what they are not (like when certain animals use camoflage to descise who they are). All these catogories and signals are for are tools of survival and tools for integrating/raleting to the rest of 'nature'.

Intellectualising Desire....Part 2

This is more thoughts on a previous thread 'Intellectualising Desire'. (Sorry about my spelling/grammer)

I have decided its a good thing to intellectualise and write about desire but to do it when your not having sex or just before you have sex, i think talking about my desire gets it off my chest so I can get on with freely fucking. So here goes, some more thoughts on desire....
Part of my desire *right now* is to be top and bottom, submissive and dominant. I can see that clearly now. I don't want to be both male and female, more than anything I don't want to be either, I don't wanna be in a fixed role at the moment. I want to try new things and play around. I am feeling as though my label as 'butch' or 'boi' works as funtional label, for the most part , but in this situation it really doen't matter, I fancy this person and I hope she fancies me. Its quite simple. When sex is not clearly defined like in BDSM or in sex that is defined as butch-femme or butch-butch sex, when it is not like this.. I get off on *so* many different things and it changes from second to second, instant to instant. One thing that is definately true (well right now) is that i don't get off on being female as a role, I don't think about that during sex, but I have a good imagination too so no matter what somebody does to me physically I usually can get round the fact I have a female body and so it doesn't effect my desired fluid but not-female role, that just doesn't come into question most of the time. A thing that does change constantly is the other persons role in the 'play' in my head, that seems to go from being (depending on who it is) submissive-dominant, from experienced-innocent, from young-old, from male-female changing just like that! it all sort of morphs and changes into what turns me on in that instance. I quite like this, it is a whole different kind of sex, and it is totally controlled by my fluid desire and not by fixed roles. I am not dissing defined roles, I love playing with them, its really fun and really sexy sometimes, infact it is the only way I usedto have sex. But this fluid sex is kind of new to me and its interesting to explore. In some ways it is reminiscent of when I used to sleep with men (but its a hell of a lot better than that) before I sort of 'transitioned' to butch or boy, when I ID'd as a girl (only coz thats all i thought I could be), because I never thought of myself as female during sex then either, when I was in the 'female' position (i.e being penetrated my a straight man) my imagination had to do all sorts of tricks to get myself out of thinking about being in that position and to get myself off, and I think this did a lot for my imaginative exploration of sex, I think it might of been in some ways what opened doors to genderfucking because I'd often imagine them as female and me as male and even though their dick was fucking me I could imagine my dick fucking them, it took away gender roles from 'real' bodily experience, even if I was fully aware of their body, what ever I couldn't see I could imagine diferently. So I could look at his 'male' body against my 'female' body but then still imagine him having a vagina, and me having a dick, so we'd become in my head some kind of new different genders. And also imagining that they were male and I was male or whatever!. I mean it was far from amazing sex but that was mainly because i didn't really desire them that much. But now i do desire this person and their body, but I also desire everything their body changes into in my head.