January 10th, 2006

In keeping with the gay marriage theme for today...

I've argued that marriage is not exactly something to fight for. Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't believe people (of any persuasion) should have marriage-type relationships if they want to (or be mothers. I am one myself.) But I find the institution of marriage problematic. And as James Earl Hardy argues:

...gay marriage is the key to assimilation into mainstream (i.e., straight) society. It is a not-too-veiled attempt to validate our relationships in the eyes of heterosexual America, in the hopes that it will change how they view and treat us (fat chance). But this effort to show heterosexuals we are "just like them" is proving that we really want to be them.

James Earl Hardy's "I Don't"
I DON'T: Reflections on gay marriage

I was watching Oprah recently and, as her cameraperson panned the studio audience full of homosexual couples eager to make their love official if Hawaii says yes, I couldn't help but laugh: I counted three people of color in attendance -- and, not surprisingly, they were all conveniently attached to someone white. It's a picture I've seen many times before.

Has anyone wondered why this is so? Certainly there are couples of color who want to tie the knot: during a two-month search, I found twelve out of ninety, men and women living in places as close as Harlem and as far as San Juan. But, as the numbers imply, most don't see what the big deal is about saying "I do."

While marriage may be a right heterosexuals have the option of pursuing (an option certain segments of society such as African-Americans and interracial couples had to fight for), it is really a privilege: just ask the million men and women who file for divorce each year, or the two out of three heterosexual couples in their 20s and 30s choosing to live together. These stats beg the question: why are some of us fighting so hard to get into what so many others are fighting to get out of or stay away from?
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Claudia Card's "Against Marriage and Motherhood"
This essay argues that current advocacy of lesbian and gay rights to legal marriage and parenthood insufficiently criticizes both marriage and motherhood as they are currently practiced and structured by Northern legal institutions. Instead we would do better not to let the State define our intimate unions and parenting would be improved if the power presently concentrated in the hands of one or two guardians were diluted and distributed through an appropriately concerned community.
Read the rest.

To summarize, I view marriage as a form of eugenics, historically speaking. And a fight for validation in the eyes of heterosexual society. And a "straightening" of queer folks. All of which give me reason to oppose it as an institution.

What do you think?
RainbowHippie peace

An article about "anti gay marriage"

Don't mean to start a flame-fest, but this guy's argument (while flawed) is perhaps one of the more logical arguments I've seen against gay marriage. Thought everyone should see it so they can be able to nail it to the wall if and when they need to someday.


My few issues are the "family" issue. It totally negates the possibility of adoption versus pro-creation for homosexual and heterosexual couples alike. It also overlooks the fact that a "two parent household" makes adoption much easier than a single parent situation. The guy is trying to hide his belief against gay marriage behind the benefit a "family" has to society but discounts all but the fundamentalist concept of family. It annoys me, but I wanted to share, like I said, so other folks can fight this argument as well. (Not to mention better than I can.)