August 8th, 2004

started as a response to goodbadgirl, but realized it's for everyone who wants to read it.

So glad you posted that. I was already feeling really cheated by the apparent deletion of all comments to lilithcoyote's post (by jasperboi it appears). I really *do not* thrive on drama, and I came to this community more for affirmation than sparring, so I read these threads with a great deal of trepidation. But I think despite the unpleasantness (for me personally, and the unpleasantness of the argument)--maybe because of it actually--it gave me something valuable.

Just to enumerate. I have privilege--skin privilege, class privilege, gender privilege in the sense that how I present and what I "am" match up. I also have a side of my family that's working class and as an adult I am trying to make sense of how the non-working class side of my family erased them, and how they defensively erased themselves, from my life. All of which intersects with various issues here in really super-indirect ways but I wanted to share it because I think people may not realize how these arguments reverberate in entirely different ways for the "listeners"...

Everything can't be all nice all the time. And being called on shit can be extremely threatening. These are lessons that I relearn continually. I also haven't read all the comments that may have been deleted since this/these argument/s started two days ago so I don't know how much more heated it got, or how much past history of arguing people might have, or whatever. And I also know that it's exhausting and annoying to feel like you're being appointed to educate someone on something which is not easy for you and on which they have a big blind spot due to privilege. But it would seem to me that in addition to affirmation, requesting/sharing information, and puzzling things out together in less contentious situations, that might be part of why we're here. Pretty much everyone has their blind spots, no?
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