March 12th, 2004

Stance

(no subject)

I just received this in an e-mail and I thought I would share it here.


Subj: Straight reporter writes about Gay Marriage
Date: 3/10/04

By Beth Quinn
Times Herald-Record

I was going to leave the gay marriage issue alone just to save myself
some grief.

But then I thought, what fun would that be? Somebody's got to irritate
the self-righteous folks who tell the rest of us how to live, and it
might as well be me.

You know who you are, so get your writing implements ready because
you'll want to damn me to hell by the time we're done here.

For me, there is one central question in the whole gay marriage
controversy: What do you care?

What difference does it make in your own life if two gays or lesbians
get married? It simply mystifies me that you feel threatened by this.
What possible harm could it do in your personal, little life whether
the two guys living at the end of your block say "I do"?

I keep hearing the same pat answer from your prophets of doom - that
allowing homosexuals to marry will "destroy the institution of
marriage."

Well I gotta' tell you, a lot of gays and lesbians have been getting
married in San Francisco lately, and so far my own institution of
marriage is doing just fine. I checked. When I heard they were lining
up for licenses, I asked my husband if he felt our marriage was going
downhill on account of it. He just ignored the question and wanted to
know what kind of perennials I thought we should put in this spring.

I took that as a good sign. Perennials are an investment in the
future, so I figure he's sticking around despite what those
homosexuals are doing.

So, self-righteous folks, I guess I'm wondering what's wrong with your
own marriages that you feel so threatened by another couple's
happiness. Are you unable to sustain a good sexual relationship,
knowing that two gay guys are sleeping together in wedded bliss? Are
you unable to have an intimate conversation with your spouse because
you're distracted by the notion of two women going off on a
honeymoon?

Because if your marriage is that unstable, you should stop worrying
about what others are doing and tend to your own problems before your
divorce contributes to the decline of the institution of marriage.

I've given this a lot of thought, and I've completely failed to come
up with ways that gay marriage will have an impact on your life. It
won't raise your taxes. It won't cause the kid who shovels your
driveway to quit. It won't make your laundry dingy. It won't alter
the weather. It won't cause your dog to start passing gas. It won't
affect your relationship with God. It won't cause you to develop a
tumor on your head.

Those of you who would talk about grand concepts like society and
institutions and pillars and guideposts and moral fibers and whatnot,
I say this is just your excuse for meddling. And history has shown us
that nothing good ever comes of meddling in other people's affairs.
Every time Christians showed up to mess with heathens; for example,
we just ended up with a lot of unhappy heathens with syphilis and
smallpox.

Those of you who would point out that the dictionary definition of the
word "marriage" involves a man and a woman, let me point out that the
dictionary is a living, breathing document that changes as word usage
changes. If you doubt it, look up the word "dot" in a current edition.

We the people get to decide what's in the dictionary. The dictionary
doesn't get to dictate our societal conventions. Your hair isn't going
to catch on fire if the definition of marriage is eventually changed
to read, "two consenting adults" instead of "man and woman."

As for the Bible, which is always the last refuge for those of you who
want to impose your will on us savages, we're not all reading out of
the same book.

More fundamentally, the Bible is not a legal document. If it were,
those who fail to love one another would be rounded up and thrown in
jail.. The prison budget would go through the roof what with all the
new cells we'd be needing for the neighbor haters.

I have only this advice to offer those of you who oppose gay marriage:
Don't marry a homosexual!

If you're a man and you don't want to marry another man, for crying
out loud, stick to your guns! That would be a terrible idea. You'd be
miserable! Same for women. Marry someone of the opposite sex if that's
your personal preference.

After all, no one's got the right to meddle in your private affairs