January 19th, 2004

  • oboiex

What is it with people? or " The 10 Minute Romance"

(sorry for any cross posting)

As time goes on, I am becoming more and more at odds with the chat community at large.

A little background first.

In the past, I never took to the whole chat thing, save IM's with pals. The idea of chat rooms and the lot seemed to distant and a huge waste of my time. Years pass.......I sign up on gay.com for the soul purpose of sex. Sad, but true. I had my fun, and a good amount of it, but along the way I was educated about the ways of people in chat communities.

I have always had an interst in what makes people tick - why they do and say the things they do. In chat communities, the rules change - you can "safely" say the things that are deeper inside all thanks to the wall erected by your computer. People can become someone else with ease - or is it REALLY someone else?

When it comes to sex and love it is open grounds for all sorts of amazing behavior. I write this post out of one specific behavior - the quest for love, or as some quainlty put it, the long wanted "LTR". Now, most people out there, during certain points of their lives, are questing for that one that could hopefully make them feel complete, loved, wanted etc.

This usually, in my case and many others, happens when A meets B and things evolve. Bliss may or may not ensue. But in this quest for love, some become desperate - the lonliness overpowers their sense of reason and self worth, leaving them to resort to any means neccesary to find the one. Hello internet. This is no new topic by any means, but being in gay.com and having people pop in the room and shout out "Who wants a LTR? PVT me!" is more than a little sad. It is obvious that this person is wanting love so bad that they are willing to settle for just about anything that even slightly ressembles that long cherised emotion - even if it means fooling themselves.

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  • oboiex

On transgendered....

Hanging out with the Radical faeries, I have been exposed to the wonderous transgendered culture. Here in town we have a growing amount of people making some good noise about this and the importance of being called the "correct" gender.

There is this subculture called "Plan Z". For those that don't know, Z, or Zee, is used in place of he or she. People tend to use it when the gender of the person they are dealing with is unsure to them. So Plan Z is a collective of biological females that are living their lives knowing that they are male. Cool ! Not a problem with this at all. What I do have a problem with is anger control and exclusive behavior (more on this later).

Plan Z moved their base of operations into a Radical Faerie Sanctuary in Middle Tennessee called Ida. Ida was started out as a haven for queer artists and musicians to escape the urban sprawl and live more simply, more down to earth, in peace, love and crazy amounts of creativity. Ida has been my home away from home for a good while now. The faeries have always been open to all. Never excluding anyone over trivial issues as sex and race. So the zee's found a good home in the warm arms of the Rad Fae.

Many individuals that have gone through life being raised as one sex but knowing that inside they were another most be very confusing, to them and those around them. Many of these people, mostly biological females, have had to put up with those around them, mostly biological males, treating them in the most horrid ways imaginable. So they have much to deal with. I cannot pretend to imagine what their lives have been like. Dont get me wrong, I know this has not been the experience for all zees, but it is quite common.

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What a cool community - I'm new here and hope to add this as part of my journey.

I recently understood that I am TG. I'm a bio-female and have id'd as butch since before I knew the word. Discovering I am trans has been both exciting and confusing. Suddenly many feelings I couldn't understand began making sense and then a lot of stuff surfaced.

I'm a Texan living in Manhattan with a great woman. We have two kids and a fairly generic type of life. I was planning to join a trans support group recently but decided against it. While my need to be with others like myself is strong, I am afraid of being sucked into another exclusive community before I've had the chance to understand what I want for this part of me.

It's complex for this simple minded guy.
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