December 7th, 2003

femme body dysphoria-- care to discuss?

I went to a party a while back and surgery was ~the~ topic of the night.

There was a considerable ftm clique comparing and discussing chest surgeries and hormone tx.

Also interesting were two femmes (born with with female plumbing)who recently also just had surgery. One femme just had surgery on both her feet (related to wearing high heels all the time-- necessary in order to continue doing so). Another femme had breast augmentation.
These two were the only femmes present besides myself.

Nobody much discussed dieting, which was interesting too.

I wanted to talk about what femmes do or don't do or want to do or need to do to feel congruence with their bodies.

Right now I'm coming from an uncomfortable place. On the one hand, I want a body that feels right to me and I want to make that body happen.

On the other, I have just helped my third female relative through breast cancer surgery. The first thing my grandma asked me when she came out from anesthesia is "did he [the surgeon] take my breast"? (He didn't, just a piece of it.) I know lots of people aren't really aware of breast cancer and the history of how that disease has been treated... for me it relates somehow.

And then this party where all these young healthy people are having surgeries? Ever since that party I've been wondering what's up-- I am obviously not the only one in the middle of these issues (duh). It is a tangle for me.