January 11th, 2003


comfort levels

Okay, based on some conversations I've had lately, I've been thinking about the general topics of personal comfort levels, personal boundaries, space, safety, etc.

I've voiced before, more than a few times, that I am *not* okay with het men checking me out. At best, it pisses me off; At worst, it has been known to enfuriate me (ie, when het men check me out when I'm at a lesbian bar, etc).

It blows my mind, that when a guy checks me out/hits on me/etc, and I make it very very clear that I do not do boys/am not interested/and to leave me the fuck alone before I scream for the bouncer, and the jerk continues to hit on me, stalk me around the bar, and even follow me out to my car when I leave. I mean, can't the fucker take no for an answer?

Anyhow, after some recent conversations I've had IRL and on LJ, it got me thinking...

I am absolutely not okay with being checked out by het men, in any environment.

Sometimes, it just feels like a fucking violation.


Why does it piss me off so much? Am I over-reacting?

Is the fact that I'm okay with girls checking me out, but not guys, a double standard? (note: in my book, no, because if I thought that was true, than the fact that I'll date girls and not boys is a double standard).

Sometimes, I think it boils down to an issue of visibility... if I'm a Target, picking up toilet paper, and some random guy is hitting on me or checking me out, he's making the erroneous assumption that I am a het girl, that I like biological dick, etc, and that pisses me off. I HATE being misread.

Being misread and feeling so invisible kills off a tiny bit of me every time it happens.

Sometimes, I feel like I need to wear a t-shirt that says "Even though I look this good, it's sure-as-shit not for your fucking patriarchial benefit, asswipe. Go look at someone else".