...dance until you wake the dead (rawdolphin) wrote in postqueer,
...dance until you wake the dead
rawdolphin
postqueer

I feel the need to look Out!

I posted this in my LJ & thought I'd post it here for comment

Well, I got my hat - soft material, a stylish poofy feminine stocking cap style that will keep my ears warm, magenta w/ black fold up rim reversable to black w/ magenta fold up rim. The magenta side has embordered dragons on it.

I have always been amazed how people seem more comfortable around me (my disability/crutch-using limping ways) the more dressed up and "pretty and nice lady" looking I am (which means skirts & dresses with long curly blonde hair). My only "high-paying" status job (complete w/ a bit of cultural power) was obtaied when I wore a dress to the interview. And I'd like to find a way to return to a high-paying job where I could be paid to be brilliant.

I don't feel my personality dramatically changes when I wear my male suit or just plain pants & a t-shirt or even my leather Marlon Brando Jacket and CAT work boots. I'm fairly quiet, non-obtrusive & am big on team cooperation unless I feal something is unjust, then I'm an opinionated bitch.

Wide, circle skirts are very comfortable and user-friendly + playing at being an adult "woman" is kind of fun. However, I am worried that I might enter my way of being that caters to how others see me to the extreme (libra rising haha).

I look straight though. And few people seem to question a woman with a disability who is unmarried & without kids might have made lifestyle choices. If I have a girlfriend, I don't talk about her in every sentence and my idenity as an agent of social change (for diversity, personal freedom etc) is important to me. Somehow this style of dressing makes me feel that I'm tying into a racist, homophobic way of being that I'm strongly against.

I'm extremely critical of people who think looking queer or having percing is in itself enough to validate the label "human rights activist". Action, thought & behavior are more important than what one wears, but appearances are a part of that. (So, I'm befuddled & wecome feedback).

Bush, Inc.'s move to allow Federal job discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation pisses me off. And I want to yell "NO!" with every cell. (perhaps partially because govt. is one of the few places that pays attention to the ADA).

Also, I'm not sexually attracted to butches and earning the label "San Francisco's 2nd Post-Modern Daddy" (with long blonde hair), had/has meaning to me that isn't appearant in a straight-lookin lady. I feel as if I need a plan of action but I'm not certain what it is or what I need to resolve.
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